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[Mick Masterson]

 > .
> >
> >
> > 5-Minute Management Course
> >
> >
> > Lesson 1:
> >
> >
> >
> > A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> > shower, when the doorbell rings..
> >
> >
> >
> > The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
> >
> >
> >
> > When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor...
> >
> >
> >
> > Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
> > towel.'
> >
> >
> >
> > After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
> > naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
> > leaves.
> >
> >
> >
> > The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> >
> >
> >
> > When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
> >
> >
> >
> > 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies....
> >
> >
> >
> > 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
> > me?'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> >
> >
> >
> > If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
> > your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
> > avoidable exposure.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 2:
> >
> >
> >
> > A priest offered a Nun a lift.
> >
> >
> >
> > She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
> >
> >
> >
> > The priest nearly had an a cc ident.
> >
> >
> >
> > After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> >
> >
> >
> > The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> >
> >
> >
> > The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
> > slide up her leg again.
> >
> >
> > The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
> >
> >
> >
> > The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak..'
> >
> >
> >
> > Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
> >
> >
> >
> > On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
> > It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
> >
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> >
> >
> > If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> > opportunity.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 3:
> >
> >
> >
> > A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> > lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
> >
> >
> >
> > They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> >
> >
> > The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
> >
> >
> > 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the
> > Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
> >
> >
> > Puff! She's gone.
> >
> >
> >
> > 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
> > relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> > Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
> >
> >
> > Puff! He's gone.
> >
> >
> >
> > 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
> >
> >
> > The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'
> >
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> >
> >
> > Always let your boss have the first say.
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 4
> >
> >
> >
> > An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
> >
> >
> >
> > A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
> > and do nothing?'
> >
> >
> > The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
> >
> >
> >
> > So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
> > sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
> >
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> >
> >
> > To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
> > up.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 5
> >
> >
> >
> > A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> >
> >
> >
> > 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
> > turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
> >
> >
> > 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
> > bull. They're packed with nutrients..'
> >
> >
> >
> > The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
> > enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree...
> >
> >
> >
> > The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
> > branch.
> >
> >
> >
> > Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at t he
> > top of the tree.
> >
> >
> >
> > He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Moral of the story:
> >
> >
> > Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Lesson 6
> >
> >
> >
> > A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
> > froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
> >
> >
> >
> > While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
> >
> >
> >
> > As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
> > realize how warm he was.
> >
> >
> >
> > The dung was actually thawing him out!
> >
> >
> >
> > He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
> >
> >
> > A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> >
> >
> >
> > Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
> > dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Morals of the story:
> >
> >
> > (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
> >
> >
> >
> > (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
> >
> >
> > friend.
> >
> >
> >
> > (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
> >
> >
> > your mouth shut!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
> >
> >
> > Send this to (at least) five bright, humorous people who have enough
> > of a sense of humor to laugh at it!
> >